Challenged Recovery……?

After many years and many highs I realize the highs were lows and life was low. I had become low even though my mind was telling me I was riding high the daily wave. How can a person become so deceived to think a life of getting and staying high is “the high life” ?

I have the ability to deceive myself into believing I am somebody when I am not; using drugs and living my life high. I was homeless for over 10 years because of this self-deception. Lost my mind; thank God I found it and found my life again after losing it. I have fewer regrets now and the ones I have are positive regrets. Whoa, back up the bus, positive regrets? How the hell is that possible? Mindfulness is a powerful tool I use over the regrets to keep those vermin in check. Mindful of where regret can go if I choose not to be. I “play the tape forward” if I am tempted to return to my high life. It always stands waiting for me to start deceiving myself. Relapse and self-pity can become real good friends. This is one aspect of my answer to the question.